boundaries and assertiveness

Boundaries

Like a GPS system or map-book, boundaries outline the ways in which you want to be treated. Boundaries dictate what you are and aren’t willing to accept forum others. We set boundaries across scenes in our life – socially, financially, sexually, emotionally, and in realms that relate to time (i.e. how much time we spend with family vs at work, or with one friend vs another). Often times, boundaries look different in different settings. For example, as much as you wish you didn’t, is it possible you allow your family to speak to you in ways you wouldn’t allow a partner to?

No matter how hard you try, you can’t force somebody to change their behaviour and for this reason it’s important for your boundaries to focus on you and the things you can control. Easier said than done, right?

Culture, family, and friends often get in the way when it comes to being firm with boundaries. But the thing is, good boundaries actually focus on you as an individual. Healthy and successful boundaries should honour your values and needs. So, what happens when your boundaries aren’t respected? What happens when people begin to respond with anger or push back on the new boundaries you’ve set? These are all items we can sort through together in therapy. At the end of the day, change – even when positive – can be a very uncomfortable process for both you and those around you.

Choosing between yes or no words written on hands of person of colour

Assertiveness training, Toronto

Boundary-setting often goes hand-in-hand with assertiveness training. Increasing your assertiveness skills will allow you to feel more confident in setting and communicating your boundaries, no matter the context.

Assertiveness is not to be confused with aggression or arrogance. Assertiveness refers to your ability to feel confident and firm in stating your needs and following-through with self-set expectations. Assertiveness honours your values and needs. Conversely, aggression is loud, and puts you in the place of the bully. Oftentimes, those who have weaker assertive skills may find themselves being bullied. If this sounds like you, let’s work to change that.

Assertiveness training with me focusses on body language, communication, and boundaries. When working on these skills in therapy, we will target your self-worth and the lens through which you see yourself. We will focus on “I” statements and your ability to be direct and concise without being rude or condescending, even when others are relentlessly pushy.

Healthy boundaries will help you:

Assertive skills will help you:

Boundary and Assertiveness Training, Toronto